I share here advice I’ve shared with a couple of women recently, essentially explaining things that puzzled them. Chief among these is the foolishness of the hypothetical bride walking down to her ‘Waterloo’ [marriage] thinking of the order of events . . . “I walk down the church isle to the altar then we have a hymn. For those of you outside the English speaking world, her thought process here is the butt of a joke, a play on the English words, “I’ll alter him” which sounds exactly the same as “Isle, Altar Hymn”. A man though is built to resist change, especially from the front, i.e. that of a nagging wife. Having solved the world’s problems I share titbits from my last few social engagements. Enjoy!
I purchased a Denbigh Milling machine from a guy down in Hawera recently and he asked me to stop by for a chat when I visited to collect the machine. He and I had chatted about conspiracy stuff and he’d read a bit of my work particularly about the Crewe murders. His wife asked me to explain to her why people (like Len Demler I presume) were so greedy – why money, money, money seemed to be the focus of so many. Seeing as the context of the question or challenge was the Crewe murders and Len Demler’s money driven murder – plus the fact that I was going past Clarry Withers’ place (another crooked fruitloop) who both show all the signs to me of psychiatric issues (probably Autism), I’ll discuss the psychiatric issue first then get into the gory details next.
Greed is essentially a pride-based attitude – an excess of self-interest. You can see this as the Master showed us the opposite. My graphic above (please study it) shows this clearly with any ungodly, anti-social or self destructive behaviour caused by any mix of the two pillars of PAIN and FEAR which are based on the plinth of PRIDE. Removing pain or fear causes the addiction, for example, (be it smoking, substance abuse, immorality, excess self-interest, self-focus or whatever) to ‘hang free’. It is natural that we will mature and the negative behaviour usually stops when the pain or fear is removed, or otherwise dealt with constructively.
The antidote to pride is humility and as most of us are ‘up ourselves’ – this is human nature after all – that’s why you have the likes of Cindy pushing her weight around over the mandates, running rough trod over all the little people who just want to live their lives, thank you very much. It’s also the reason why bullies, bully and the greedy lie and steal, usually from EwenMe. In the Crewe murders however and the case of Clarence Withers psychiatric issues interfere, thus when Autism is included in the mix, this simple view is distorted somewhat. The best way to see and understand what happened is to remove the normal human dynamics and assume that things are different for these people – then it all makes sense.
While there are massive nuances to any psychiatric diagnosis, Autism is a spectrum containing a range of significance ranging from mild social challenges to extreme incapacitation. One of the big clues is the difficulties with understanding human dynamics which in extreme cases can simply prevent any empathy at all. Many in New Zealand at the time, saw Len Demler’s aloofness and apparent indifference to the loss of his daughter Jeannette Crewe as weird. They knew that he was involved instinctively, but could not understand how a father could kill his own daughter. In fact Len didn’t pull the trigger, but he did organise the murder and cover it up. He benefited from it, financially.
In my early days of investigative work I interviewed a man with Aspergers’ Syndrome, now called “High Functioning Autism” and specifically asked him how he could justify ripping off people, lying and doing so with an apparently clear conscience. His reply was revealing if you understand that some people are wired differently, and that we tend to view the world the way we think. He explained his emotional distance like a butcher who goes home to pat his dog. He was smarter than most others thus he figured that he had the right to lie, trick, steal from and abuse them.
In regards to Len Demler, on the farm if you have a sick aging dog, you take it out the back paddock and shoot it – the problem is now over. Same thing with your daughter when she refuses to cooperate with his dodgy probate. Jeannette and Harvey Crewe lost their lives on a winter’s Wednesday night on 1970 because the day before (on the Tuesday) she told her father off for trying to steal Mum’s money and she refused to validate his dodgy probate.
Putting the issue of the psychaitric aside though, woman is designed with more natural intuition than a guy. They can multi-task naturally whereas a guy is more focused. We live in the future more than the girls who tend to live in the past. “She said . . . She did . . . ” bores the sox off of us, just the same as our “I’m gunno buy this or make this or do that . . . ” bores the girls. After I had told her that a woman can easily change a man but it had to be done “from behind” as we were built to resist a frontal attack, one of my friends recently asked me why her constant nagging seemed to be wasted effort with her man. I explained that if she wanted to get her man to do something it was her job to find a way to communicate with him, meaningfully, respectfully, i.e. from behind.
Our problem is generally that when we have a hammer in our hand we see everything as a nail. We tend to give love in the way we seek it – women need to feel loved and appreciated so try to show their love, but men need to be respected. We can fight the whole world for a hundred years but the moment that somebody respects us, we crumble. Think of a guy whose wife has grizzled for years about the girlie picture hanging in the work toilet. The moment that somebody connects with him, shows him respect and suggests that it is better that he pull it down now that there are women who feel demeaned with the pictures and the law now supports them, the lad will remove it forthwith. “But I’ve nagged you for years to get rid of them and you’ve ignored me!” she may complain. “Now that some little fluzzie with a big smile comes on the staff and asks you to remove it you do! Why?”
Compare the finger wagging nag “I told you so!” with the simple cold logic of a court case if he doesn’t do the honourable thing. Guys are different to gals. They love our get up and go; our focus on achievement but they don’t get it why when we know we have to put the rubbish out, or the toilet seat down, or remember their birthday. They simply cannot understand why their men will say, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll do it!” then take nine out of ten steps towards the rubbish then get distracted and walk right by it as if it never existed. “But …” means nothing to a guy totally focused on the phone call and forgetting to do the thing that was important to his wife.
“But why? It was so simple a thing!” she asked.
Because we’re guys, honey. We’re not built like you where you can multitask. If I have to look after a dozen fighting kids, answer the door, talk on the phone and cook the dinner, all at the same time, I’d go nuts inside a second! Just let me do one thing at a time will you – please? That’s why we can build an empire, win a war, build a mansion and you can deal with the house, home and kids, isn’t it? Focus. We’re built that way.
So after explaining, my advice was to encourage my friend to come at it a different way, from behind. She had to go back to the moment of unforgiveness, undo that decision and attempt a new way to support her man, rather than to complain. The woman says to herself “I’ll alter him” but she has no authority to do so. That’s why nagging never works. Try it girls! Just try it and see how many years it will be ignored. I know, I’m a guy. But show me respect and tell me what is important to you and it will be the greatest thing ever for me to do it. “Ummm, Honey where are my car keys? I’ve got to get to work!” or “Can I have my lunch or dinner now please?”
“Have you put the rubbish out yet? I told you it was important to me, remember?”
Having sorted out the guy/gal thing so simply we moved onto a few of the other minor issues that the world has to deal with – things like politics, conspiracy, evolution and the God thing, of course!
The Moon landing thing seems to be a big conspiracy but it is really quite simple – just tell me how they can get a man through the Van Allen radiation belts then we can talk about photos and technology and so on. Same thing with evolution. If you don’t know that there is a difference between macro-evolution and micro-evolution then you clearly haven’t researched the topic. Your opinions mean nothing to me. Why would I waste my time listening to your garbage when you haven’t bothered to research the basics. Michael Behe and Irreducible Complexity? Werner Gitt and Information Science? Punctuated Equilibrium? Intelligent Design? First Cause? For the record, macro evolution is the ludicrous unproven concept mockingly called “Woo to you via the zoo” whereas micro-evolution is the observable and testable concept of adaptation for betterment (generally through the loss of information). Irreducible Complexity is best understood by Michael Behe’s example of a mousetrap – it only has five components. Take one away and it doesn’t work. Ditto with life. Please explain how half an eye works, or man with all the bits but no sex drive! DNA may be the building blocks of life but it contains information. Information simultaneously requires a sender, receiver, a language and a method to send and a method to receive. Is this Intelligent Design by any chance? In my world evidence of design requires a designer. First Cause anyone?
You can apply the same thing with truthseeking. We all think we want to know the truth, but there is always a limit to this seeking – always.
When we are good we see good, but when we are evil we see evil. Our problem is that we tend to assess reality from our own position on a spectrum of good to evil. Evil is assessed as everything South of us, where we see ourselves but it takes a brave man to acknowledge like Paul said to the Romans that “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God!”
A friend asked me recently whether I thought that he had drifted away from something good that he had previously. His (adult) kids made mention of the change that they had seen in him over the years. Whereas he previously had an anointing – a life or vibrancy that was infectious. he now realises that he is flatter. His question “Can you see validity in having an anointing for a season?” was his way of exploring this at a deep personal level. It is natural to go up and down, seasons or cycles. Of course the Master only needed three years on this earth to do in His ministry what He was tasked with whereas we might have three score and ten!
The interesting thing is that when there is a distance between us and God, it is always us who has moved. He created and gave us the ground rules. We screwed up and being evicted from His presence hurt Him just as much as us, but the principle is always the same. Anything that interferes though is always, without exception pride-based. While pride may be the driver, fear and pain are the two pillars that cause the ungodly conduct. Again, guys this time, the graphic above explains it all succinctly.
The other thing I shared with my hurting mate was that the distance between the calling and our response determines the level of commitment we have. This is directly connected to our humility, thus the ego in us causes us to delay; to hold off on that obedience. Whereas previously we may have heard and obeyed instantly, when pride gets in the way, we dilly dally, and eventually this becomes a major problem . . . like that nagging wife, Yeah, we all know that we love her, yeah we all know that we’ve promised to put that rubbish out . . . eventually the nagging stops, it becomes harder to hear the heart and eventually we’re running on auto-pilot – just co-existing.
I know that it’s natural, and normal, but it’s not right. It’s sad.
Yeah, we solved the world’s problems alright in the last week or so – all of them! Now back to reality. Where’s that rubbish bag? And what’s that little ditty again? Isle, Altar, Hymn . . . How can I change that man – the guy that I love to hate?